That moment sorrow parachutes into your life- or blows a hole in the side of your world?
Even years later, your loss settles around you, restricts your freedom, seeps into your bones, and you want to curl into a ball and hide away. Are you stuck in stories of the past?
Having felt what you are feeling many times before, you have my lovingkindness and compassion. When you are ready, I offer Soul Design, a way through the suffering without spending thousands on therapy. No really. I’m offering the real deal right here in this blog. You could follow my path and begin to feel better today. It’s up to you, but I urge you not to allow the stories of Loss in your life to continue to impact your wellbeing.
Loss is a lesson on impermanence which humans seemingly must learn again and again. In between your experiences of Loss you forget that the final Loss is yet to come. Deaths of loved ones, disappointments, circumstantial losses and sorrow may be practice sessions for the day you make your own final transition. Frailties of human form win out, regardless of any methods we concoct to prolong our stay. I believe the trick is to design your life to respond to life’s adventure as it unfolds each day and let tomorrow take care of itself, but I didn’t always adhere to this philosophy, nor did I have an effective method for dealing with Loss.
A few years ago, I made a list of my experiences of Loss in my journal. I thought if I wrote it all out, I could release it all and feel better. This Complaining Laundry List became a tidal wave, and then a tsunami of emotion. I stopped writing, closed the complaint journal and placed it on a shelf to gather dust, but the contents of my journal were already stuck in my tissues and cell structures and I suffered a series of accidents, illnesses and more Loss. Today I share a pathway out of the emotional jungle so you won’t become “Lost in Loss”; so your cells won’t take the hit as mine did.
1. Sometimes we don’t even recognize a Loss when it occurs. Did a parent disappear from your life, when you were a baby? This Loss can settle in for years, waiting to impact your health and wellbeing, even if you never knew that parent.
2. Have you experienced a Loss that became entangled with other people or strong emotions? When I was three years old I experience a traumatic emotional Loss and I believe it was also my first conscious experience of compassion (potentially positive lesson). My teenaged mother was at work, I was at home with my grandmother. A massive thunderstorm and flooding, struck the town of St Paul, Minnesota. I stood in the window watching splashes the size of my fist strike the sidewalk. At first I laughed, “Hah hah. Mommy’s getting wet out in the rain!” The rain and hail beat the flowers in the garden to submission. Leaves and branches shredded from the trees and I cried, “Poor Mommy out in the rain and hell. (sic)” My fear and sorrow mirrored the ferocity of the storm. I watched through the window as a nest of baby birds tumbled from a tree in the front garden and the storm pounded them to invisibility. My grandmother tried to help, but I was inconsolable, convinced that Mommy had swirled down into a storm drain with “all that muddy water.” The Loss was absolute in my tender mind until my mother came home very late, soaking wet. I ran to get her a towel before I tended to my own comfort (possible entanglement).
3. Confusion, powerlessness, grief, even anger compound a child’s fear of Loss and can prolong suffering for a lifetime. My step-dad announced he’s “had enough” and we were to take our dog Rusty off to the Pound because “that worthless dog kept getting fleas.” Dad forced my brother and I to go along, “It’s time they learn life isn’t just a bowl of cherries.” (I must admit, this one still grabs me in the throat, so I know I have work to do here.)
“I wanted complete healing from ALL past Trauma and Loss.”
4. Moving house is often traumatic for a child. Do you recall feeling a sense of Loss when you left a place you had lived for years? Does that feeling come back when you must move or experience a similar change? We changed domiciles several times when I was a child. With each of our moves, another Loss etched itself into the energetic diary of my bodymind. Loss was recorded in my DNA as Pain. A Belief formed in my brain that “Change” is “Loss.”
5. Many people register change as Loss and Loss as pain. The Loss of a relationship is a tough one any time, but relationship Loss is particularly challenging for a teen. In Junior High, I fell ill with chickenpox. After a two week absence from school, I returned pale, puny and pockmarked. Along with falling behind in school work, another big fat Loss waited for me. My best friend had found a NEW best friend, and that girl had struck up a relationship with my boyfriend in my absence! There it was, another strike “against me” in the Loss column.
6. Everyone experiences death, sooner or later. Grief is a natural response to the passing of a loved one. Right after I graduated High School my beloved grandmother died of heart failure. She was only 69 years old. I thought she was going to be around to bounce her great-grandbaby on her knee as she had done with me. Nope. I Lost her from my life and from my imagined, expected future. In 2001 my sweet, brilliant, funny, kind and loving husband died and with him our future plans. A little over a year later, I Lost my brother to an untimely death.
Have you Lost your home? Lost your way? Lost the family fortune? Experienced a violated trust? Lost your self-respect? Lost the love of your life?
About two years ago I pulled that journal off the shelf. As I turned the pages, a pathway opened up in my mind. A light! I began in a new way to “write it out.” I found more than just words of clarity to offer myself. Soul Design presented itself. For some people that may be enough to tip the scales of understanding. But I wanted more than clarity, I wanted complete healing from ALL past Trauma and Loss, and I wanted the power to design the life I want to live. To me, what good is understanding what happened if no healing occurs and there is no change moving forward?
I birthed my Soul Design Process.
I acknowledged and engaged the raw feeling. I confronted and interacted with my emotions, questioning the premise, clarifying, restating. I invited Divine Guidance, my inner wisdom, to coach me through the painful sticky parts.I tuned the story to include facts. As the Master Story Teller, I found relief, healing, and release each time I revised the stories. In effect, I designed the stories to reveal the lesson and to bring forth the healing. (Notice the lack of blame and emotional charge compared with the “Story” version above.)
To heal myself and to come into alignment with my Soul Design (who I really am) I:
Connect with my own inner resource, inner wisdom, what I call The Divine Within.
Acknowledge the facts,
Release The Storytelling,
Forgive all beliefs and judgments, and receive the lesson, if there is one.
What was once the instrument of torture, “The Story” becomes a tool for healing. At the end of each writing session, I proclaim what is true for me now.
Here’s a piece of the work I did to heal from the Loss of my first dog–”Even though I did not understand their actions, I know my parents did the best they knew how to do, at the time. I forgive and release this feeling from my past and instead I embrace my parents love and concern. I am a kind and forgiving person. I accept what is and I know I am Spirit, I am whole, free of the past and powerfully present.”
Healing available: Past or Present
Whether you’ve experienced a Loss that was instantaneous, or it is ongoing and agonizingly gradual, healing is available. Perhaps you are concerned that a family member is slipping away into unknown circumstances, or into The Land of Mental Disability, for example. My Soul Design Healing Process is also a way forward. You can take up pen and paper to connect with your “Divine Within” at any time. What I’m saying is that you are the resource for relief from past stories or present circumstances. Even temporary relief is better than no relief at all, isn’t it?
Are you still nursing an old wound or Pain, Loss and Sorrow and find yourself just “hanging in there?”Are you following well-meaning suggestions to “tough it out,” or “put it behind you?” If so, you have my condolences.
Other pathways are open to you. I urge you to try another way. Please don’t sit in misery or repression because sooner or later your cells will suffer from that emotional hit and your health will suffer. I hope you can see yourself in here somewhere and know a pathway is there for you.
TODAY- Create a bit of space to the side of your sadness and loss. By that, I mean to step outside of the emotion and see it as a story. Within that mindset pick up a pen and begin to write. Nothing drastic, just scribble out a few key words. If you feel inspired, try writing a sentence with a beginning, middle and a shift in perspective at the end. Follow that sentence with a move toward healing: Acknowledge the facts, release the story, forgive all beliefs and judgments, and receive the lesson (if there is a lesson). Then, stand in the truth of who you are now- an empowered Soul Designer!
I’m not saying I’ve invented new technology. I have shared one way, A Writer’s Way to heal. If the desire for freedom from the stories of the past strikes a chord with you I invite you to drop in at judymcnutt.com, visit The Advanced Wisdom Academy where I am gathering many tools and pathways to Wholeness for you.
If you are Distance Writing today, the prompt is-
“After all this time I thought…”
Take a moment to focus on the feeling of a past experience as it was, and as you WANT to feel about it now. What is the same, how is it different? Capture the lesson and The Gift and bring it forward through time to this day. Go!